Messy, Beautiful, Whole — What I Learned in Co-Active Core

I’m writing this from the middle of nowhere — on a ship that left Svalbard, Norway a week ago, drifting into the Arctic stillness.

Out here, stripped of signal and speed, I’m reflecting on something that’s been quietly and powerfully reshaping me over the past two years: Co-Active Coaching.

Two weeks ago, I completed the Co-Active Coaching Core Curriculum — five immersive modules spanning Fundamentals, Fulfillment, Balance, Process, and Synergy.

What started in London in October 2023 came full circle in Washington, D.C., June 2025 — a journey of 104 hours filled with deep listening, movement, laughter, and yes, a few tears too.

This October, I’ll begin the ICF-accredited Co-Active Certification (ICC).

And out here, away from everything familiar, I can feel just how far I’ve come — and how much more alive I feel doing this work.

What I Took Away

Don’t ask “why.” Ask “what,” “how,” “when,” and “who.”

One of the first things I learned in Fundamentals? Let go of “why.”

Not because “why” is bad — but because it often leads us into loops, stories, or defenses.

Instead, Co-Active taught me to ask forward-moving questions.

“What do you want?”

“What’s in the way?”

“Who do you need to be right now?”

As someone who was trained to ask why, this was radical.

Coaching, I realized, isn’t about analysis. It’s about unlocking movement.

Fulfillment: Naming my life purpose

In the Fulfillment module, I landed on words I didn’t know I’d been aching for:

“I’m a peaceful yogi who celebrates our beautiful, messy selves.”

It made space for paradox. For tenderness. For becoming.

I spent much of the session embodying a serene swan — finding stillness in the middle of chaos. That vision stayed with me.

Balance: Every thought is just a perspective

This changed how I relate to choice.

In Balance, we practiced shifting perspectives — from stuck to spacious, from either/or to possibility.

“I have no choice” is almost never true.

Balance gave me permission to choose new ways of seeing — again and again.

Even our overwhelm is a perspective. And perspectives can shift.

Process: Let go of the serious yogi

For a while, I thought being “peaceful” meant being quiet, careful, composed.

But in Process, something cracked open.

I realized I don’t want to be a serious yogi. I want to be a mischievous one.

Still rooted. Still calm. But playful. Wild. Alive.

Synergy: Finding my ally, at last

Since the Fulfillment module, I had been struggling to find my “allies” — that supportive image or presence that holds space for my truest self.

And then, in Synergy, with the gentle guidance of a peer coach, something finally landed.

Mine came to me as a poly tunnel (greenhouse) — the warm, translucent shelter where plants grow on a small farm.

Warm. Soft. Protective. Unruly.

A space where things grow — wildly and quietly — without needing to be seen.

What’s Next

This October, I’ll step into Co-Active Certification (CTI’s ICC program) — deepening the work, sharpening the edges, and expanding my capacity to hold others through transformation.

This work is never “done.” But it is deeply alive.

And it’s an honor to walk this path — and to walk with others — through the thresholds of change, identity, growth, and reinvention.

If you’re curious about what coaching might open up for you, I’d love to talk.

Sometimes it starts with a question.

Sometimes with silence.

But always, it begins with you.

With warmth,

— Jay